Always a good topic to read up on, no matter what stage of life you’re in and what your general goals are. The truth is that one of the reasons you’ll probably get into this or another bad relationship is that you learned all the wrong things from your parents, like being too dependent on them and expecting other people to take care of you. Marriage of Psychology. Одним з перших питань до партнера на етапі ранніх стосунків має стати: "And how are you mad?" But statistically, marrying too early and marrying based on romantic feelings provide some of the worst outcomes for marriage. Instead of using our feelings as our only guide, we should be using divorce statistics to help us understand the most common reason marriages fail and then actively take steps to prevent it.

One of the greatest privileges of being on one’s own is the flattering illusion that one is, in truth, really quite an easy person to live with. Given that it is about the single costliest mistake any of us can make (it places rather large burdens on the state, employers and the next generation too), there would seem to be few issues more important than that of marrying intelligently. It can’t and won’t: there is as much doubt, hope, fear, rejection and betrayal in a marriage as there is in single life. It’s only from the outside that a marriage looks peaceful, uneventful and nicely boring.

Nine rules for a happy marriage, from accepting sexual fantasies to arguing well

Don’t expect someone to come into your life and answer all of these questions for you right away. Instead, be patient and allow a relationship to develop at a comfortable pace.

This is sometimes easier said than done, but as long as you make an effort, you will surely do a lot more of forgiving yourself later on in life. When sex was only available within marriage, people recognised that this led people to marry for the wrong reasons: to obtain something that was artificially restricted in society as a whole. People are free to make much better choices about who they marry now they’re not simply responding to a desperate desire for sex. Sbg gambaran, buat dipertemukan Syemmi, aku bikin Baca Bareng, rutin bikin konten buku, upgrade diri lewat Career Class. None of it was easy. Tapi hasilnya "kelihatan" (luv u beb @hasyemiraws ). Review ditulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia biar banyak orang Indonesia yang melirik kemudian memutuskan untuk membaca buku ini, karena menurutku buku ini so damn good! Hihi. This has been the second book from "The School of Life" I'd read (The Great Thinkers being the other). I must say that I very much like the accessibility and style with which their books, including this one, are put together.

For example, if you’ve been hurt in the past by an ex, then it might be hard for you to open up to someone new who might end up hurting you too. Short analysis of the reasons and possible solutions around the selection of a life partner which ultimately, quite often, was not really made with the long-lasting marriage in mind. We ‘project’ a range of perfections into the beloved on the basis of only a little evidence. In elaborating a whole personality from a few small – but hugely evocative – details, we are doing for the inner character of a person what our eyes naturally do with the sketch of a face. If you are in a relationship that seems to not make you happy anymore, then it’s a sign that you two might not be compatible in the long run. If you’ve been looking for someone to fill the role of your best friend and lover, then you’d better be prepared to realize that no person will always be everything that you need them to be.

My task today is to turn that anger into sadness. If we manage to turn rage into grief, we will have made psychological progress. And this is the task today. Yet the good news is that “it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person.” We don’t need to abandon our spouse, just the stupid idea of Romantic love—that some perfect person exists who will satisfy all our needs. Instead, mature people recognize: We need to know the intimate functioning of the psyche of the person we’re planning to marry. We need to know their attitudes to, and stance on, authority, humiliation, introspection, sexual intimacy, money, children, ageing, fidelity and a hundred things besides. This knowledge won’t be available via a standard chat. We need a level of insight currently generally only available to psychological professionals at the PhD level. The answer is pretty simple: it’s their efforts and willingness to change themselves for their partner. It’s only from the perspective of singledom that a marriage can look peaceful, uneventful - and enviably boring.

1. We base our choices on "peak" moments instead of "mundane" ones

The time has come for a new kind of marriage: the Marriage of Psychology, where one doesn’t marry either just for practical reasons (land, money, etc.), or for intuitive reasons (“strong feelings”), but where our aspirations are properly submitted to examination and soberly understood, over many months, in the light of the daunting complexities of our respective psyches. However, my level of happiness and the longevity of my relationship was not at all what I could have expected when I chose either relationship.

In almost every culture, getting married is a sign of social achievement. Never mind that your spouse might be abusive, or that you might go through a nasty divorce lose all your assets, or that your children might grow up in a broken home. At least, someone wanted to marry you in the first place. The School of Life (з якою мене познайомила моя bestie в Амстердамі) є ще багато класних життєвих "трактатів", тому зверніть увагу. The level of knowledge we need for a marriage to work is higher than our society is prepared to countenance, recognise and accommodate for – and therefore our social practices around getting married are deeply wrong. 3. We Aren’t Used to Being Happy Candidly, I knew my flaws were there, but I didn’t know exactly what to do about them. So I worked especially hard to cover up my imperfections. Amazingly, it didn’t take long for Greg to begin to “help me” display these issues in our relationship. Of course, I had the same effect on him — he had issues, too. We all do. Working with the truth With such a poor level of understanding of our characters, no wonder we aren’t in any position to know who we should be looking out for. 2. We Don’t Understand Other PeopleThis will allow you to release whatever it is that is causing the pain that you are experiencing, and learning how to let things go eventually allows for more joy in the future. My point is this — by making an effort to be happy when we are alone, we will enjoy more when we are with someone.