Parents dealing with divorce need to make a special effort not to expose their children to conflicts between parents, legal and money related issues, and general animosity. The latter point merits further discussion, as parents often have a difficult time not badmouthing each other in front of (or even directly to) their kids. It is this act of turning a child against a parent that ultimately serves to turn a child against himself (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011). Citizens Advice has more information on help for your child from your local council in England, and help for your child from your local council in Wales. Reasons that parents attempt to manipulate children, as well as behaviors often exhibited by children who have become alienated from one parent, are also described (Warshak, 2010). This book, as well as additional resources subsequently listed, provides hope and solutions for parents who are dealing with the pain of divorce. Sandler, I., Ingram, A., Wolchik, S., Tein, J., & Winslow, E. (2015). Long-term effects of parenting-focused preventive interventions to promote resilience of children and adolescents. Child Development Perspectives, 9(3), 164–171.

Gershoff, E. (2013). Spanking and child development: We know enough now to stop hitting our children. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdep.12038

NHS services for new parents

General positive youth development (i.e., less risky behaviors, improved school success, better job prospects, etc.) among adolescents Parenting style and emotional health; maternal hardiness, coping and social support in parents of chronically ill children, etc.

Evidence-based Positive Parenting Programs Implemented in Spain (Ministers of the Council of Europe, in Rodrigo et al., 2012): In a special issue of Psychosocial Intervention, multiple evaluation studies of positive parenting programs delivered across Spain are presented. Among the programs included are those delivered in groups, at home, and online; each of which is aimed at positive parenting support services. This issue provides an informative resource for understanding which parents most benefited from various types of evidence-based programs aimed at promoting positive parenting among parents attending family support services.Provides information for parents on supporting your child and has a directory of mental health services that you can search by your local area. Barnardo’s Parents are never alone. Whatever the problem or degree of frustration, there is a whole community of parents who have faced the same issues. Not to mention a ton of positive parenting experts with effective solutions. Sanders, M. (2008). Triple P-Positive Parenting Program as a public health approach to strengthening parenting. Journal of Family Psychology, 22(4), 506-517. And while most of us strive to be great parents, we may also find ourselves confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless challenges of parenthood. However, punishing types of behaviors such as yelling, are not likely to be in-line with long-term parenting goals. By visualizing their preschooler as a high school student or even an adult, it can help parents to ensure that their immediate responses are in-line with the kind, peaceful and responsible person they wish to see in 15 years or so. Durant (2016) provides several examples of long-term parenting goals, such as:

There is no set method of raising children. Every family is different, and so are the situations in which the child grows up. Thus, one rule is not applicable across the board.There are even ways in which positive parenting benefits a child or family as soon as the parents learn of a pregnancy or adoption (i.e., see the subsequent ‘sibling rivalry’ section). Therefore, it cannot be stressed enough: Positive parenting begins as early as possible. The Five do OK at the parenting. It’s hard, the housework slides, they spend too much on a fancy pram, but they keep Lily alive and well for several weeks so they do about as well as most new parents. Durant, J. (2016). Positive discipline in everyday parenting. Retrieved from http://www.cheo.on.ca/uploads/advocacy/JS_Positive_Discipline_English_4th_edition.pdf Calm the Conflict: If you must intervene, it is best to help the children problem-solve the situation without judgment or taking sides.

The Strengthening Families Program (Kumpfer & Alvarado, 1998): This primary prevention program has been widely used to teach parents a large array of positive parenting practices. Following family systems and cognitive-behavioral philosophies, the program has taught parenting skills such as engagement in positive interactions with children, positive communication, effective discipline, rewarding positive behaviors, and the use of family meetings to promote organization. The program’s overall goal was to enhance child and family protective factors; to promote children’s resilience, and to improve children’s social and life skills. Prepare for Peace: McCready describes several ways to teach conflict resolution skills that help to avoid further issues between siblings.Importantly, the detrimental impact of divorce on kids typically begins well before the actual divorce (Amato, 2000). Thus, it may not be the divorce per se that represents the child risk factor; but rather, the parents’ relationship conflicts and how they are handled. For divorced/divorcing parents, this information is encouraging—as there are things you can do to help your children (and you) remain resilient despite this difficult experience. Parental Conflict and Alienation It all just falls a bit flat, for me. I’ve been there – the sleepless nights, the exploding nappy disasters, the moments when you think they’re going to cry for ever more. I’ve talked to other parents about it, and read blogs, articles and books, and watched TV programmes where the main joke is how hard parenting is. Some of these conversations, blogs, books, programmes etc are really, really funny. This book is not. Developmental parenting is a positive parenting style that promotes positive child development by providing affection (i.e., through positive expressions of warmth toward the child); responsiveness (i.e., by attending to a child’s cues); encouragement (i.e., by supporting a child’s capabilities and interests); and teaching (i.e., by using play and conversation to support a child’s cognitive development (Roggman & Innocenti, 2009). Another way of thinking about the role of positive parenting is in terms of resilience. When children—including those who begin life with significant disadvantages— experience positive and supportive parenting, they are far more likely to thrive. With this objective in mind, any steps a parent takes when dealing with a frightened or misbehaving child should always be taken with consideration of their potential long-term impact. Long-term goals, which Durant describes as “the heart of parenting” may be hard to think about when a child is challenging and a frustrated parent simply wants the behavior to stop.