The Best Ever Book of Liverpool Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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Former United defender Neville said: “The second half has been an absolute disgrace, a shambles, epitomised by no-one more than the captain, Bruno Fernandes, who I think has been embarrassing at times in this game. The Afghan striker was a little puzzled by this and summed up the courage to say “Excuse me, Mr. Erik ten Hag, but I speak very good English.” But patience, dear fans. It’s just the start. After all, Mount and André Onana are still finding their theater seats in the Theatre of Dreams. Until then, fasten your seat belts, Red Devils. It’s going to be one whimsical ride! Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work.... Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish

Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?" And while you will find some of the friendliest people in the world on Merseyside, get on the wrong side of a scouser and a perfectly-timed put-down will come flying your way.

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A dad who was known for his smile and positive energy died suddenly hours after coming home from the Liverpool derby. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, “Sorry Father, I almost hit that Liverpool fan.” “That’s ok,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door.” The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?" READ MORE: Tesco, Morrisons and Sainsbury's issue urgent product recalls for soup, pet food and more

Phil Schofield joked: “I said to my girlfriend, "I saw a woman with her breasts out on the bus feeding her son." Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. I see the players come here today, one or two players come out in the second half having a laugh and a joke - they’re one nil down at Anfield having a laugh and joke with some of the Anfield staff, goalkeeping coach - I don’t like to see all that rubbish.

What is the difference between Arsenal’s players going to Chelsea and Chelsea’s players going to Arsenal? The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Manchester United supporter.

His friends think that that’s a little bit weird because he has been the biggest LFC fan his whole life. Again we did receive all the replies saying 'your da reads the Echo' (or that your da works for Echo, or that your da sits in the Echo watching ITV all day). So, thanks for those.One Everton fan is stood in the away end crying his eyes out. And with each tear, he feeds my soul.

Made famous by Brookside, this was Jimmy Corkhill’s put-down of choice. The word has two possible origins - one theory is that it’s an abbreviation of the 1950s Unemployment Dividend and was used to describe someone who didn’t have a job. And speaking of disappointments, let’s not forget the treasure trove of Liverpool FC jokes that never fail to keep us entertained when the match itself doesn’t. Ah, you’ve got to love the classics. Why did the Liverpool fan bring a ladder to the bar? To finally get some points! These zingers are the bread and butter—or should we say, the “bitter and scouser”—of football banter. They add that extra zing, like hot sauce on a bland taco. The jokes are like the unofficial mascot of the club, always lurking around, ready to pounce the moment there’s a fumble, a missed goal, or yet another defensive mishap. So here’s to Liverpool FC jokes, the gift that keeps on giving, much like their defense to the opposing team! Funny Liverpool FC Jokes One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" These were all the best Everton jokes after their dramatic 4-0 defeat to Liverpool in the Merseyside derby on Wednesday night.From things overheard in the chippy to some absolute gold from Scouse nans, these are the moments that show Scousers really have got the best sense of humour around.