Cock Piss Partridge - Alan Partridge Mens T Shirt

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Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. I will remain Pontius Partridge. Alan: Is the a neighbourhood… sorry I’m very close to you aren’t I? Is there a neighbourhood watch system? Susan: Don’t worry about your car, Alan. I’ll get Michael to sort it out for you. Alan bumps into Michael on the way to his hotel room:

Really? I loved that phrase you used, it was very clever, where you said "Revolution, not evolution".

The BBC describe it as a “heady mix of consumer affairs, news, highbrow interviews and lightweight froth”. Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge promoting his book Nomad in 2016 (Photo: Getty) Tony: [Tony is holding a bottle of Blue Nun, laughing hysterically] Blue Nun! Alan discusses his programme ideas with Tony Hayers at lunch: I realised I had nothing to worry about. The man was a perfect gentleman. But if you told me 25 years ago that I would be talking about rigid inflatable hulls with Dale Winton I would probably have spat at you.

What does that say to you about regional detective series? - There's too many of them? - That's one way of looking at it. Alan: All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people don’t you? You know, wine this, wine that!. Let’s have a bit of red; let’s have a bit of white! Oooh that’s a snazzy bouquet! Oooh this smells of, I don’t know, basil! Sometimes you just want to say ‘sod all this wine just give me a pint of mineral water’.It wouldn't have been round! It's very Cluedo this house, isn't it? Colonel Mustard in the en-suite bathroom with the lead pipe. Alan: Well there you go, they taught you a trade. Minor repairs. [Lift door begins to close on Alan] The opening scene where Alan is in his sound booth at Radio Norwich, presenting Up With The Partridge: If you come up with anything else, then I don't want you to hesitate to call Would you like me to lap dance for you? Blue Nun! . Alan: So have I. There’s no wine in it, you know. Couple of bikes, some smokeless fuel, and an old bag of cement. Gone hard.

Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone: Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed, it must not, REPEAT NOT turn into an all-night rave. Alan drifts off and fantasizes about dancing for Tony Hayers: Alan: That’s not really gold, is it? Very nice. Like little tears, little wax tears dripping from your ears because they’re sad. Don’t cry ears, you’re on the side of a lovely head! commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Did you see that!? He must have a foot like a traction engine. Striker! And that, was a gooooooal! The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football...

Alan to his listeners: Kate Bush there, the lovely Kate Bush. With The Man With The Child In His Eyes. Which brings us on very neatly to my next guest. Mr Stephen Brai, who’s father invented Cats Eyes. Stephen, what was it like living with the… being the son of the man who invented Cats Eyes. Who-oo Who-oo Who do you think you are? Unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television. No! "Monkey Tennis"? There is to be no second series, and I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, - and I haven't liked a single one. Alan: That’s one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let’s make some more of them. Alan: Let me rephrase that. Can I… No, actually I’ll just repeat the question. Have I got a second series?