Taking My Best Friend's Wife (A First Time Hot-Wife Story)

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No, and this isn’t the question you should be asking. You should be asking yourself what you want, given how very shabbily you have been treated. Your wife says she respects you but I think she needs a dictionary. Can we imagine for a moment if the roles were reversed? Perhaps you would see how emotionally abusive this relationship is. That’s more than just ruining a friendship, that’s ruining many friendships, potentially a marriage and needlessly hurting more than a few people in the process. I feel desperate for our children. I do not know what to think or do concerning Anita. She is a beautiful woman whom I have known since I met my wife. I have never thought romantically about her. Would it be wise to talk about it with her? Then there’s the fact that you have overlapping social circles. This is the sort of gossip that shoots through like wildfire and people will have very strong opinions about who was in the right and who was in the wrong. You will more than likely find a whole bunch of your friends do not appreciate you being instrumental in damage to L and J’s relationship. So anyway I met “L” a few years ago and we became close friends. Smart, funny, sweet, kind and beautiful. She also has a fiancé, “J”, who’s a pretty great guy and I regularly hang out with both of them. (You can see where this is going, right?)

I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong about your negative points or try to bullshit you into feeling better about yourself; but I can pretty much guarantee that you don’t have perspective on what others like about you – your positive attributes – and I have proof: L had mentioned several times that she thought I was good looking, often loudly to friends and complete strangers alike. She even told me once that if she had met me before J, things may have gone differently. I always just thought she was just saying stuff like that to try to boost of my self-esteem. You may never be the person that you want to be, you won’t ever cure every fault that you perceive in yourself, but you can make moves toward feeling better about yourself and maybe even one day be completely okay with who you are. You have an opportunity here to take a massive stride toward that – so be the man you want to be. Speak to her honestly about her behaviour, get to the bottom of it if you have to and she wants to, but do not lay a hand on her. You won’t be ‘missing out’ on anything. If she is interested in you then I guarantee that there are other, unattached, babes out there who will feel the same about you. I know that my marriage won’t recover. We are on good terms and I would hate our relationship to become grim. I fear that my frustrations on knowing that my love for my wife is hopeless will make our life together eventually unbearable. And that, of course, is a terrible idea. So I guess my question is, if I find myself in a situation with her that is heading for a place I know is wrong, but every cell in my body demands I go with it, how do I generate the willpower to say no? Greater men than I fail at this all the time. Thank you, DiscombobulatedAnd let’s say that, unbeknownst to you she’s having problems with J. Then you’re less a sex partner and more the hammer she’s dropping on his nuts. Trust me: the sex ain’t worth it if you can’t live with yourself afterwards. Omitting the part about how you crushed hard on the other guy isn't dishonest, MESS, it's considerate. I mean, if it turns out your ex dated someone else that he really, really liked while he was in his home country, would you want him to tell you that? Robert was enjoying a night in his hot tub with his 38-year-old wife Christen, and their 50-year-old friend Ted. Now let’s say that through all of this, L and J manage to pull through L’s infidelity and make things work. One of the things that would almost certainly be part of their reconciliation is ensuring that she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. That means never seeing you again… which in turn would likely mean you being exiled from the social circles where they are fairly prominent. Dear Dan: My wife got drunk at a vacation house we rented with a bunch of friends and cheated on me with my best friend in the hot tub. They didn't have sex but they did other things. I wasn't there, but there were eight other people in the hot tub and the jets were on, so no one else saw what was going on "under the water." My wife told me about it afterward and I was hurt but also kind of excited. She proposed we "even the score" by asking my friend and his wife to have a foursome. They agreed but the experience was miserable. My wife and my friend were very into each other and my friend's wife was willing, but I was having a hard time enjoying myself with a woman I had no interest in while my wife did things for my best friend that she would never do for me. She let him come in her mouth, which is something she never lets me do, and she did it right in front of me. Now she says she will do that for me but only if she can keep doing it for him. This seems deeply unfair. We have kids and I don't want to get divorced, but I'm concerned that I'm going to keep getting hurt if I stay. What can I do? I need ...

I realise what you want is incredibly powerful, especially when it drops into your lap and starts to wriggle. In other circumstances, I’d tell you to go for it. And who knows, maybe in the future circumstances will be different. But right now, if you did give in, you’d regret it far more than you’d enjoy it. Trust me: I have been there, done that and printed the t-shirts.And then… let it drop. If she’s as cool a person as you say, she’ll realise a line was nearly crossed and be careful not to do it again. If she gets a little buzzed and handsy again… well, put some distance between the two of you, make sure you’re not left alone together and try to avoid hanging out with her when alcohol is involved. You can tell her she's not allowed to do anything like that ever again — you can insist on strict monogamy — but having seen what she's capable of, under and over the water, will you ever feel comfortable letting your wife out of your sight again? Will you ever be able to leave her alone with your best friend Groot again? I told her so, just as I told her that it would be way beyond what I can and am willing to accept. I do love her and am still in love with her, but her behaviour has hit me quite hard. She advised me to get into a relationship with her best friend – let’s call her Anita – saying we would be a perfect match. She knows you find her attractive, and knows that you are more of a catch than you rate yourself, and it makes her feel good to have this special guy that she can give value to while having her own ego boosted. She is insecure. That doesn’t make her a bad person, but she is acting like a fool. What matters now are your children, first and foremost, and dealing with ending this relationship safely and sanely for all of you. Because, by your own words, it is past saving.