This is Not a Pity Memoir: The heartbreaking and life-affirming bestseller from the writer of The Split

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But this is not a pity memoir. It's about meeting your person. And crazed late night Google trawls. It's about the things you wished you'd said to the person that matters then wildly over-sharing with the barista who doesn't know you at all. It's about sushi and the wrong shoes and the moments you want to shout 'cut'. It's about the silence when you are lost in space and the importance of family and parties and noise. Took my breath away . . . I sobbed and laughed and then sobbed again. I think it puts life into perspective but also, by being a love story, it defies many of the norms. Morgan's unique voice rings out and she is a great companion throughout' EMMA BARNETT, i-Paper, Books of the Year

This is, without a doubt, my best book so far of 2022 and it’s going to take some beating (not that it’s a competition). I was immediately intrigued first and foremost by the title because I love a memoir but do also often mull the boundaries inherent in writing such a piece - who is it for, what’s its function for the writer and so on. I’m also aware that Abi Morgan is a writer for stage and screen and so I was interested in how her work might translate to the stage. I was reading some of the book aloud to my son last night and he said,'She does go on, doesn't she?' and, about the constant repetition, sometimes the same phrase in three short lines in a row, 'is this all about filling space?' I don't think it was, I think the author, apparently a much-lauded writer though I've never heard of her (nor him, the famous actor) thinks she has a really unique way of writing, that reflects her feelings at the time of the events. In the early chapters, it does (but it isn't easy reading). I also wonder if she did it to bring rhythm to the physical text - paragraphs broken up by half a dozen three-word lines in a row which does look different. (There are several examples in 'reading notes' below). But really who knows?

This Is Not a Pity Memoir

I was in two minds about buying this book - whilst I love Abi Morgan’s work, I thought this could only prove to be a harrowing picture of the family’s life and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on that journey with Abi and her family. But then, she’s a glorious writer, so what the hell, if anyone could make this material transformative, it’s Abi Morgan!

A powerful, fragmented journey through brain injury. This book will especially appeal to Morgan's fans, and to those who have experienced similar journeys." - Library Journal The author was concerned about building a life for the future together, with a man who would forever need carers, be physically-challenged and never be able to be intimate again. I do admire her for these efforts of building a life without passion, without even possibly sharing a bed again. Carer, parent and friend, but not lover - not an easy choice for a future. I understand 'for better for worse' but they weren't, in fact, married. Lest I’ve made this book sound like an unrelenting gallop through misery, I’d also like to highlight how funny and witty is it. There’s the aforementioned dinner party, with the drunk girl becoming ever drunker and more irritating. There’s Jacob and Abi’s burgeoning love story, complete with unexpected baby and fusing of cultural traditions. There are snapshots of family life - Jacob’s enthusiasm for adventure, his relationship with his children and his talent of acting. As someone who often feels alienated by cultural references in books it was also a delight to finally feel totally seen as Morgan shares her family’s love of theatre, exploring Judaism and Tim Minchin lyrics. But really, what she has learned has mostly to do with love. “Let’s be honest. I’m a tufty-haired, one-breasted, fiftysomething woman who’s got a few Baftas and yes, that’s brilliant. But life also goes in cycles. I am not the big I-am. I think my greatest fear is to end up some old buffer at Bafta. Being with Jake, and what we went through as a family, has changed us. We have a greater appreciation of each other. We’ve seen each other at our worst moments. I didn’t realise I loved Jake so much – that’s the biggest revelation. It’s such a platitude, isn’t it, love? But… this hum. That’s the only way I can describe it. I just have this hum for Jake that I don’t have for anyone else.” This is a story of dealing with the darkest of times. Laced both with humour and with darkness. And love that shines through.The kind of book you will find yourself saying urgently, over and over, to friends. 'Have you read it? Have you read it?'" - Caitlin Moran What a talent, what a career, what a life, and what a treat to relive it all with this most down-to-earth of demigods.

A moving memoir from the award-winning screenwriter and playwright Abi Morgan about what happens when the person you love most no longer recognizes you. If I hadn’t hammered it home by now, just to confirm: Big fan of this book. It’s moving, sad, heartwarming, unexpected, funny and clever. Plus more. If you love a pity memoir - this is one of the best I’ve ever read. My husband collapsed after his first Covid 19 jab, he spent three weeks in hospital with blood clots to the brain, spine and feet. A year later, we are told, no new progress can be achieved, brutally harsh.This novel portrays the feelings of disbelief that is primary, why such events happen. There is a grim determination to get answers, to get through this horror that has been inflicted upon a family, the attempts to regain all that has been lost, possibly for ever. There is always the hope that there will be better times ahead, but, we have to get used to a new normal. Both very funny and as propulsive as a thriller . . . impossible to put down' RACHEL COOKE, Observer

Abi Morgan to many would have the perfect life…. Successful film script writer, loving actor partner, 2 teenage children , a London home and a holiday house in Italy… A remarkable story, certainly, and one worth reading about (if only through a couple of long magazine articles), but not a stand-out memoir for me. Abi’s husband Jacob, collapses after a drug that he was taking to control his MS, is withdrawn. He spends a year recovering, the results are devastating for the family and Jacob. The screenwriter Abi Morgan, best known for the films The Iron Lady, Shame and Suffragette and more recently for the much-loved BBC series The Split, works in a small flat above a perfumery in Islington, north London. Its rooms, pale and sleekly minimalist, not only smell lovely, the rose geranium and vetiver floating obligingly upwards; they’re also, for a writer, extraordinarily tidy. The casual visitor would not think for a single moment of fraught commissioning meetings and hurtling deadlines were it not for the little squares of paper that line one wall, on which the episodes of her latest project are neatly summarised. But like everything about Morgan, this tranquility is, perhaps, deceptive. While she, too, exudes a warm, outward calm, her interest extending to everyone she meets, inwardly it’s a different story. Sometimes, it’s as if a bomb has gone off deep inside her. “I am both absolutely the same and profoundly changed,” she says, sitting at her white table, turning her white coffee cup in her hand. This is one of those memoirs that everyone needs to read. The author was so honest and I can’t even imagine going through what she did. This book had me tearing up so much and at the end I finally cried. Gosh this book broke me. I don’t really have anything to say other than read it if you enjoy memoirs or if you want something emotional. I always struggle with reviewing/rating memoirs because it's important to remember these are true stories. These authors are sharing their lives with us and who am I to say it was boring/uninteresting just because I didn’t connect with it?The idiosyncratic writing had no flow and was like stream-of-consciousness, but being careful planned and edited, it didn't have the immediacy of that kind of writing. I kept on going despite the writing frustrating and even annoying me, just to get to how she dealt with her partner's thinking she was not herself but a duplicate. But when I eventually got there, through his illness, his hospitalisation, her own health issues, and everything else, there was hardly anything about it. It wasn't the main focus at all. Damp squib. This was such a good, moving read. And I think Abi Morgan sums it up brilliantly at the end of the book ( this is not a spoiler) . The book was hyped as being about what it was like for the author to have her partner come out of a 6 month coma and treat her as a stranger. This is Capgras syndrome where someone believes that their partner or friend etc has been replaced by a double. But this is not mentioned in any blurb or review I read, but it is once in the book. It is rare, I did know about it and thought it must be distressing to be declared the 'imposter'. I didn't know in advance, that it was going to be a Capgras issue. It confronts all the fears that are unspoken, but keep carers awake at night. I got better access to NHS services as a caregiver , rather than a wife!! I’m not ashamed to admit I cried over this book, it was a challenging read, but it did help, it did provide some comfort, it hinted at hope and a strong belief, that better times are ahead, and that is what you have to believe. A powerful book.