My Dad's Jokes are Punny, So Color Him Funny!: 101 hilarious cartoons

Product Information

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. Sure, it’s fun to share a good laugh. But did you know it can actually improve your health? “Laughter activates the body’s natural relaxation response. It’s like internal jogging, providing a good massage to all internal organs while also toning abdominal muscles,” says Dr. Gulshan Sethi, head of cardiothoracic surgery at the Tucson Medical Center and faculty at the University of Arizona’s Center for Integrative Medicine. If you’re enjoying this article, you might also love 14 Profound Excerpts From Classic Literature That Will Change Your Day Santa Claus – or Father Christmas, Père Noël, Kris Kringle, Weihnachtsmann, Babbo Natale or whatever you prefer to call him – works very hard over December. In the run up to December 25, he’s constantly keeping an eye on his elves’ gift production line, drawing up plans for the most efficient route across the world and making sure his reindeer are in peak physical condition for their shift on Christmas Eve.

Funny guys are dangerous. They make you laugh, then make you laugh again and again. When you’re done laughing, boom… You’re naked!If the family's sitting around the table for Sunday night dinner, go with something sure to go over well with the kids and adults in attendance like "What did the hamburgers name their baby?" We'd tell you the answer, but don't want to give all the good ones away just yet.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks—I'll never part with it. People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. It’s your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about – it’s been collecting dirt on you for years. Is there any difference between the Greyhound terminal and a lobster with b**bs? One of them is a crusty bus station and the other is a busy crustacean.The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely.

Are you bored? Are you in need of a good laugh? Are you getting ready for a rainy day when all of a sudden it pours? Whatever the reason, we’ve got you covered!

How would you embarrass an archaeologist? Put a used tampon in his hand and ask him which period it came from! Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it. We get very excited in the run-up to Christmas at Beano and nothing says festive fun like these seriously funny Santa jokes – and we know Yule love them too! A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. The waiter asks, “Would you like anything?” The bear responds, “No, I’m stuffed.”

Even though he’s a to-ho-ho-ho-tal legend, it doesn’t mean we can’t tell a few silly Xmas jokes about him and his reindeer squad, does it? The other day I was at a fancy dinner party… When I farted loudly. One of the guests objected indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I responded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that it was her turn next.” I would like to know what hurricane said to the coconut palm tree. Watch out, this is not an ordinary blow job!You know Tom; I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan." What is the difference between a teacher and a train?One says, “Spit out your gum,” and the other says, “Choo choo choo!” Need a laugh? We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. You'll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. And you don't have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room (be sure to bookmark our April Fool's jokes for next year!) Nevertheless, if you do not want an awkward moment for your children making them pretending that they do understood the joke – or you do not want them to use them, here I collected some clean jokes here that you can share with your teens at home (or wherever you want).