The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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Reduce the pressure and, therefore, the demand to attend. If your friends know you and accept you for who you are, they will be fine with this. I feel it’s almost a vicious circle; we want to do an activity, can’t, get frustrated, which causes anxiety, then that leads to a spike in needing control and inability to do activities.

It really feels like a big disrespect to people who identify with PDA that people call it rational because they do not experience it as rational and want to be understood. Much like with OCD, it can become a self-sabotaging act that really interferes with quality of life (which fits the definition of pathological). Harry, if you read this review, please know how much I truly appreciate your candid words and for not “binning” this book!OK, I know I said ten... but I needed to add one more. Our daughter has the PDA profile and she is witty, affectionate, charming, sociable, chatty and creative, with a great imagination. She, and many others with PDA, deserve to be better understood. I believe that society can change, but only if we are educated so that we know how to help. Please share this post so that more people begin to understand! Around every corner is a demand waiting to thrust itself upon us. So how do we cope with all of these demands that can’t help themselves hammering down on us like we’re a nail that just won’t lay flat? I listened so intently that I listened to the whole audiobook in two sessions; only stopping the first day (yesterday) when I could no longer ignore my earth suit’s nagging incessancy for basic needs.

I love my job and I could lose it because I’m spiralling in PDA and don’t know if it’s PDA or ADHD paralysis. I just know I am frozen. I don’t need a tribe to tell me that. I don’t need to hear about an impulsively buddy when it’s not an impulse-driven problem. Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a condition that is characterized by a avoidance of everyday demands and activities. If they like being in the garden; cordon off a section of the garden that they can do what they like with (as long as it’s not very dangerous to themselves or others). DO NOT interfere with their section unless they have specifically asked you for help. Let them be in charge of what film is watched on movie night or what takeaway you are going to have for dinner.The more demands are perceived or placed on you, the more you will be pushed towards meltdown – and no one wants that. Pushing yourself to meet demands in high stress times can cause burnout, and then you’ll get nothing done. Having a card shown to me is often like splashing water on my face. It alerts me to look at what I’m doing and assess it with clarity rather than slapdash over excitement. PDA is a lifelong condition, but with proper support and treatment, people with PDA can lead happy and fulfilling lives.

He is so honest and I feel I have failed him these last two years, but we are going to find a way forward. When you are feeling very anxious or overwhelmed, remove all demands, or at least reduce them as much as you can. Bless your heart for writing on this, it made me laugh. And if all fails — may I make a suggestion, it could be your 16th point. I wont be PDA about how right I* am on this point…but 16 should be “If all fails, start laughing uncontrollably and with a robust for the joy of it.”

Try and schedule them to come out around the times when you have the most money in your account, such as right after paydays or benefits deposit. Having a range of things that you can be in control of will help to keep your anxiety down, and you can go to these things and tinker when you feel a little anxious. I can relate to that woman – its completely understandable. Its her body, and someone trying to govern when she can use her bladder is toxic – she should be allowed autonomy and the ability to use this basic right at her own discretion/as need be. Its not appropriate of her boss to say that. A lot of autistic people have had very negative experiences with authority which was not about them, a lot of autistic people have extremely pathological parental relationships where there are major boundary issues, abuse, and toxic desires to silence, control, bully, shame and suppress autistic people doing what is normal and needed for them.

Having PDA doesn’t mean that you avoid every single demand/potential demand that you come across. It’s fluid. When you are less anxious and are in control, the need to resist the demand – to gain control – is far less than the times when you feel out of your comfort zone and your need for control is sky high. With this comes a much better chance to be able to do the things you want to do. Just stopping everything and going with the flow of what your brain decides it wants to do can be powerful to reduce anxiety. It puts you right in the driving seat, which gives us PDAers all that lovely control that we thrive on.Harry began to write the first draft of his book in 2015. After connecting with many autistic & PDA families, he pivoted his direction and completed his book in about 6 weeks, a memoir entitled the PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum, published in February 2019. He launched his YouTube channel in 2017. Sometimes it feels like everywhere we look, there is demand bearing down on us that sends our anxiety through the roof. Find ways to step away from it all, every day or as often as you need, where you can just ‘be’. I also believe that I have possibly struggled my whole life with PDA, without knowing what PDA was… (and passed it onto my children)