The 69 best dick jokes: Funny joke book

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Bob Monkhouse–“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.” Why did the astronaut disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy” during a spacewalk? Because he believed in the protection of his spacesuit gloves! A man decided to tattoo his wife’s name on his pen*s. When hard it reads Wendy on the side of his shaft. When soft it only reads Wy. Surprised, the Pope responds: “He comes every year?! We’ve been waiting for his SECOND coming for nearly two millennia!”

The c ashier says : “ Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID. ” Why did the swimmer disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the power of chlorine protection! A young man goes to see his doctor and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating?""Why?" the man asks. "Because I'm trying to examine you." So in essence, Jesus is…never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

10. Big Ben

Why did the mechanic ignore the advice to “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the power of a well-oiled engine! Short willie puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The willie humour may include short willie nelson jokes also. Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on... because you know what they say about old habits... The Devil had had enough of Jesus being in the spotlight for so long. He challenged Jesus to compose the longest tale on Microsoft Word and win. Jesus agrees, and they begin. Who said that?” The burglar shines his flashlight around the room and sees a parrot in the corner of the room. “It’s me, Moses,” the parrot says. The burglar breathes a sigh of relief and says “What kind of idiot names his parrot Moses?” The parrot answers “The same kind of idiot that names his Rottweiler Jesus.”

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.” Just as the hawk flies over the green, a lightning bolt blazes down from the sky and strikes it. As it falls to the ground, it drops the gopher, who drops the ball. The ball hits the ground and rolls right into the hole. Why did the artist disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the freedom of creative expression! Tommy Cooper– "Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."The cashier replies: “That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?” 6. Parachutes Then one Sunday morning, on their way home from church, he says to his father, “Dad, Jesus had long hair, and he had loser friends!” Joan Rivers–“All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

Why did the bee ignore the advice to “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in natural pollination! Looking at my penis, I find it endlessly fascinating. It’s 46 years old, my penis. 46! It’s older than the Sydney Opera House, my penis!” – Rhod Gilbert

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. There ́s no way she believed you!” He shakes his head again. “How old did you tell her you were, then?” What don't you want to hear after performing o**... s**... on w**... Nelson? I'm not w**... Nelson. Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films Because you know what they say about old habits...